How Can I Speak With More Confidence?

Let’s get one thing straight: confidence isn’t something you’re either born with or doomed to live without. There is a confident speaker inside of everyone—including you. My job? To help bring that out.

But here’s the catch: most people go about building confidence the wrong way.

They think if they just memorize their speech word for word, they’ll feel prepared. (Spoiler: it usually backfires.) They think reducing filler words will magically make them feel in control. (Nope, not how it works.) They think “fake it till you make it” is the answer. (Faking it just makes you more aware of how nervous you feel.)

So, what actually works?

The Tissue Paper Approach to Confidence

Confidence isn’t built in a single moment—it’s layered over time, like stacking tissue paper. One layer alone is flimsy, but as you add more, it becomes stronger and harder for nerves to break through.

Here’s how we layer it up:

1. Small, Manageable Wins
You don’t start by giving a TED Talk. You start by speaking up in a meeting, sharing a short thought, or even practicing out loud alone. Small wins build real confidence.

2. Mindset Shifts
Instead of worrying about being perfect, focus on being effective. Your audience doesn’t need a flawless speaker—they need someone who connects with them.

3. Experience, Experience, Experience
There’s no substitute for doing the thing. The more you put yourself in speaking situations (even tiny ones), the less power fear has over you.

4. The Right Kind of Preparation
Memorizing a script? Bad idea. Internalizing your key points and practicing adaptability? Game-changer.

5. Reframing Nervousness
What if I told you nervousness and excitement feel exactly the same in your body? The trick is to channel that energy into enthusiasm instead of fear.

Try This Today

Next time you’re about to speak, instead of thinking, I hope I don’t mess up, try this:

1. Take a deep breath (not to “calm your nerves,” but to reset).
2. Say to yourself, I’m excited to share this—not I’m scared.
3. Focus on helping your audience instead of proving yourself.

With each layer you add, confidence becomes who you are, not just something you chase. And I promise—you’ve got this.

Remember, confidence isn’t about being fearless. It’s about knowing you can handle whatever happens.

So, are you ready to start layering up and take your communication skills and presence to the next level? Explore expert coaching and resources at Queen City Etiquette and start speaking with confidence today.