“May I have the envelope please.”
The Oscars will be on TV Sunday and we will see many envelopes opened before a proclamation of who the Oscar goes to. Fortunately for the accounting firm who has responsibility for stuffing the envelopes, they don’t have to formally address all those envelopes to anyone.
Formally addressing an envelope to a couple can be a little tricky these days with all the possible combinations of titles and situations. Yesterday I was asked about the correct way to address an envelope to a same-sex couple, and I want to share that information.
Cohabitating Couple
When addressing a couple that is living together, but is not married, the names are placed on separate lines. They are listed in alphabetical order if they have the same title:
Mr. Michael Brown
Mr. Jonathon Smith
If someone has a higher title (such as “Dr.” or “The Honorable”) then they would be listed first:
Dr. Joan Smith
Mrs. Michelle Brown
Married Couple
When addressing a couple that is married, but has different last names, “and” is placed between the names. The order is the same as mentioned above; alphabetical unless someone has a higher title:
Mr. Michael Brown and Mr. Jonathon Smith
If the envelope is too small to list them like this, then the appropriate way is:
Mr. Michael Brown
and Mr. Jonathon Smith
If the couple has the same last name, you can still address them the same way:
Mr. Jonathon Brown and Mr. Michael Brown
Or, you can go with the plural form of Mrs., which is Mesdames, or the plural of Mr., which is Messrs.:
Messrs. Jonathon and Michael Brown
The plural forms of those addresses seem a little antiquated and may not be recognized, but are still proper etiquette.
Gender Neutral Title
Using a title is done to show respect. However, if someone has chosen to be identified by gender neutral pronouns, respect is shown by honoring that choice. While I’ve seen Mx suggested as a gender-neutral title, that has not been widely adopted and would only be used if you know the individual choses to go by “Mx.” Otherwise, you would address the envelope with the person’s first and last name.
If you are in doubt, you can always ask the couple how they would prefer to be addressed. There may have been a mess up on the Best Picture Oscar envelope last year, but there’s no need to have any errors on your envelopes!
